Ever since 1993’s definitive summer blockbuster Jurassic Park, Universal Pictures has been trying to recapture the magic of that first film. They’ve been chasing the proverbial dragon (dinosaur?) of that film’s success for decades, with diminishing returns. Not counting today’s film, the most recent film in this franchise, Jurassic World: Dominion, which was not well-liked by either critics or audiences, ultimately made over a billion dollars at the global box office. And despite being marketed as the be-all-end-all finale of this franchise, it was inevitable that another installment would be coming. Despite John Wick filmmaker David Leitch being originally attached to direct, The Creator and Rogue One: A Star Wars Story director Gareth Edwards ultimately signed on for the project, with original Jurassic Park screenwriter David Koepp returning. And I was really hoping this time would be different. 

Five years after the events of Jurassic World: Dominion, in which dinosaurs began to roam free amongst everyday citizens, causing chaos and destruction, public fascination with dinosaurs has dwindled and they’re on the brink of extinction once again. Those that remain are confined to an island research facility for the original Jurassic Park. Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson) is tapped to create a team of researchers and scientists to go to this island and extract DNA from these remaining dinosaurs, that could be a game-changer for humanity at large. Meanwhile, a family sailing on waters nearby has their boat capsized by a dinosaur and teams up with Zora and her group of scientists, hoping to find their way to safety.

There is a lot going on in Jurassic World: Rebirth, and yet nothing. Every cliché imaginable in films like this is present here, and it feels incredibly cynical and convoluted. Nothing is a surprise. It feels like this film was made primarily to satisfy executive mandates and studio notes. We hit every beat you expect, and none of it means enough to emotionally matter to the viewer. This is a film full of actors I like, and none of them have anything to do. And if Gareth Edwards and David Koepp were able to capture the inherent magic in the blueprint of this franchise, none of this would really matter. But because the film seems actively opposed to surprising you, thrilling you or getting you emotionally involved in any way, the whole experience falls a bit flat and culminates in one of this summer’s most profound disappointments.

Scarlett Johansson has been searching for the big role that will define her career post Marvel Cinematic Universe. And unfortunately, considering this film’s $30 million opening day gross, she will have to make more of these. She’s fine here, but there are only the faintest echoes of a character in this script for her to play, and she’s not exactly believable as a world-weary and weathered mercenary who’s seen it all. Mahershala Ali is fine here as well, but there’s not much for him to do other than deliver a wisecracking remark every now and again and shoot a smirk at the camera. There are few actors working right now that I like more than Jonathan Bailey, and it breaks my heart to see him waste his time like this. He’s here to deliver exposition and talk about science a lot. As a character he has no personality at all, and Bailey is doing all he can to give this character something – anything – of value, but he can only do so much when the script is giving him nothing. Rupert Friend, however, is having more fun than anyone else here, as the film’s villain. But even his performance gets old quick.

As I said in my plot synopsis, there’s a subplot involving a family of civilians – a father (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo), his two daughters (Luna Blaise and Audrina Miranda), and the oldest daughter’s boyfriend (David Iacono) who get wrapped up in all of this. Nobody here is compelling or exciting to watch and cutting back and forth between our A and B storylines completely kills the pacing of this movie. You get the idea that the family in peril storyline is only here to emotionally manipulate the audience into caring about them, but they’re never what the film needs them to be. Also, the youngest daughter bonds with a baby dinosaur that she names Delores, and I’ve seen this kind of movie enough times to know exactly what Universal (and Gareth Edwards, I guess) are doing here. I would bet money little Delores plush toys and keychains and Funko Pops are in the works, and will be ready to arrive in stores by the time the holiday shopping season rolls around.

Despite not having enjoyed any of Gareth Edwards’ previous films, I cannot deny the fact that he’s a competent filmmaker. The film looks great from beginning to end, and nails all the tech aspects. David Koepp, who just this year, brought us Steven Soderbergh’s Presence and Black Bag, is totally phoning this one in and clearly put all his effort into those aforementioned films instead of this. The script’s pacing is terrible – the film runs just over two hours (without credits) and it feels like it lasts an eternity. John Mathieson’s cinematography and Alexandre Desplat’s score are great, though. Even though they’re both consistently ripping off visual motifs and musical cues from the previous films. The visual effects here are top notch, however. And occasionally (rarely) the scenes of characters in peril can hit the way they need to. But seriously – the amount of times I found myself yawning through this movie cannot be understated.

I remain hopeful the day will come where the Jurassic franchise will eventually recapture what made it special, but today is not that day. That day may never come, as this franchise has truly failed to recapture that magic, that sense of wonder, and the genuine fear of the original film. Everything since then has shown varying degrees of big-budget disappointment. And unfortunately, even if you’re creatively bankrupt, when you have a franchise that brings in the dough for people in suits, artistic integrity can exist as more of an afterthought. Jurassic World: Rebirth is yet another disappointment in the Jurassic franchise. It’s a thoughtless and narratively underwhelming bore that I imagine will struggle to please even the most locked-in audiences. But hey, maybe they’ll get it right next time.